Tackling the subject of racism is a difficult subject to tackle in one posting. I will state however, that it has only been this past year that I have not actually addressed these questions. Mostly because I was raised alienated from my race. Not that I did not know anyone that was black, but completely ignorant of the understanding of the outside and internal workings and struggles. Constantly being told there is something wrong with the texture of your hair and the color of your (which I did not fully comprehend the intensity of the hatred ). One example that escaped me was when I frequented a white national hair salon (went there for years btw.), and she told me she was grateful I had a relaxer because if not my hair was a “problem”.
Don’t get me wrong, I know the history of slavery, the rampant hatred…. However, it is an entirely isolated view and not shared. Completely immersed in “white” society. Unknowingly raised with an undercurrent of self-loathing that was passed on from someone who experienced a life of segregation and fighting for approval. Having been raised by someone had experienced such hatred, they adopted the dislike for their race. The structural purpose of racism mainly aims to create rifts from all directions of society. I have also learned that it means to destroy ourselves from within our group. Implant self-hatred and it can only grow outward.
At first, it was necessary that I pose myself some tough questions. For example, Why is it that I continue to straighten my hair? I don’t like it like this (straight). So I soul searched, all the way down to the roots. I was disassociating myself from my race. Not by premeditation but pathologically/ blindly. To be clear that is not everyone’s reason, I don’t speak for every individual.Hearing horrible things about your race hits deep and with no commonality to share that pain and outrage are difficult.
Whites don’t (seem) to understand. At least, the conversations I have had they seem completely clueless to the plight. When talking to certain family members, I am met with hostility and rejection. So I am becoming to come to the slow realization that this is how racism looks. It is an extreme rift within our race filled with a deep sorrow and need to find a sense belonging. It is my belief that we are a people still searching with our hands outstretched, looking for the light.
(All will be further discussed in detail via Podcast)
The many things I have experienced:
- “I love little colored children”
- “You’re nothing but a nigger”
- “It’s because she’s BLACK”
- “It’s time someone showed her….” (in reference to rape)
- “She’s cute…. but her hair….”
- “You turned out darker than we thought you would.”
- “You are so STUPID” (constantly trying to enforce)
- “Maybe you’re not feeling well because you feel you need to perform well in school” (What!!!???)
- “Go back where you came from!” (You dragged me here…. remember?)
- Pulling down my pants and holding me down to see if we have the same “parts”.
- Being targeted and not having the support of your own group of people. Simply because you are ignorant that it really exists.
- “We don’t want to play with you!”… “But we will take your gifts!”
- Being taught there is something wrong with your skin and hair by family.
- Self Hatred.
- Growth as a Whole Person
- Rejecting the Doctrine
- Learning to accept and love yourself as well as the people that share your colored suit.
- Understanding and Forgiving. A struggle. Constant Struggle.
- Reprogramming the Brainwashing
Down to the Nitty-Gritty 